Pay Negotiation Strategist Pillows

'Whoops!.. That's the numbers for my proposed salary increase.'

"Stock options for your thoughts."

The Evolution of the Bonus

"My salary app pings when another new male exec at my level is making more than 77% of what I make."

'We'd like to pay you what you're worth, too, Fenstrom. Unfortunately we must conform to the minimum wage law.'

"May I remind you that we can always go with duck eggs."

'Foster's here, regarding his raise sir. Shall I have him crawl in now, or let him sweat a while?'

"Is this about your raise?"

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

'Was my salary expectation a bit too high?'

"...That's agreed then, we raise our salaries by 40%..."

'I might give you the benefit of the doubt. But I doubt it.'

'What would you say to a salary increase?'

'I always feel at the end of the day I could've taken credit for more.'

'What say we set aside all our petty grievances and just hate each other on general principles.'

"Before you ask for a raise, I need you to be aware I've got a map of your brain on my mobile."

',,,and you can name your salary as long as it falls within our range of underpaid employees,'

"I always ask for a pony for my birthday. I find it gives the most bargaining room."

"I'd like a raise, I can't afford to binge drink on what you pay me."

'The position sounds interesting, but my last job paid more coconuts.'

'Guess who's hinting for a raise?'

"You look perfectly suited for managing on the pigeons have a salary that goes with the job!"

Tired of long hours and lousy pay, Bob begins a work-to-rule campaign.

'No sir, I said could I have an increase in SALARY.'

'Right...we've agreed to mediation to decide whether or not we go to mediation!'

"We're still negotiating. I want a six-figure starting salary and they don't want to hire me."

'Actually, Carruthers, if you take the world average income, you're grossly overpaid.'

'As with all the other candidates, if you could write your expected salary on this piece of paper, we can then move on to the next stage.'

"O.K., Jimbo, let's dance with wolves."

"I never ask for a raise any more. I just hack into the boss's computer and give myself one."

Thank You for Not Bringing Up My Salary

'When it comes to giving a bonus...some people will stop at nothing.'

"A delightful arrangement Miss Chalmers..."

'How about a small rise?' - 'No, but how about a large reference?.'