Vow Innovators Pillows

'After you text 'I do'... you may kiss the bride.'

Minister to marrying couple: 'Remember, you're under oath.'

'Wait a minute -- you haven't said anything about a retirement age.'

Resume Dumpers

'Either you say 'I do' or you don't -- You can't plead nolo contendere.'

"...for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death or litigation do you part?"

"You may now kiss the bride."

"If I'd known, I would've changed my vows to; Until bald and fat do we part."

'I Marianne, promise to see all of your games in sickness or in health, for richer or poorer until death do I watch.'

"For richer or poorer, in function and dysfunction,..."

'My resume,...in rap form!'

'...Love, honor, and obey, no strings attached?'

"You said it—everybody heard you."

'Human resources gave us the idea of trying 'blind interviewing'...'

"The couple will now exchange vows they wrote themselves, because I guess mine weren't good enough, but, whatever, let's see what you've got."

'Do you promise to love, honor, and kiss the bed covers goodbye?'

'I find the easiest way to expand my vocabulary is to make up words.'

"For better for worse. For richer for poorer. I sickness and in health....I warned you these vows were extremely graphic."

"We can't scrub the 'forsaking all others' bit."

I am prepared to unveil by brilliant innovation. Is it an MP3 player? It's a self-help book. A simple way for readers to achieve instant happiness. You? What do you know about happiness? You're miserable and you make other people miserable. Wrong! People will get happy or I'll kick their keisters! Uplifting.

"Are you, Michael on the same page as Melissa?"

'... and do you promise to love Angela, more than she loves you?'

"Woah! Where's it say that?"

'And do you, Sarah, promise never to Google his ex-wife?'

That special place in heaven reserved for undiscovered composers, writers and artists.

''Love, honor, and obey'? - This needs a REWRITE!'

'I refuse to say 'Cross my heart and hope to die'.'

'Don't I get to read the small print?'

'... And do you, Gavin, promise not to hog the T.V remote, for as long as you both shall live?'

'I do, but no promises.'

"… in sickness and in health, with no chance of parole for 25 years?"

'And do you Kevin, take, no arm twisting, please.'

'Well yes, I suppose it is a multiple-choice question'

'Will you love, honour, and share custody of the remote control so long as you both shall live?'

'Moby Dick? Let's see ... Would you like the DVD, the podcast or the interpretive dance?'