Vow Guardians Gifts

"My mum is very smart: she made sure Dad didn't sneak weasel words into the wedding vows..."

"He likes it."

"Careful. That house has a taser."

"Try picking up a girl after you've renounced everything."

'You must be Jimmy's father . . .'

"Ok, so you beat me at scrabble!"

'Come on, Walter, you're wasting out time! Stop using complete sentences!'

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

"Boy, the kids are growing up so fast!"

Robert Drake

"We like to think he's experimenting with color and form, but his art therapist suggested we're not giving him enough candy."

"We've given it a great deal of thought and we decided we're going to give in to everything you want at all times."

'I feel much safer living in a gated community.'

'Dude! Did you even check if that cloak had a flame retardant, before you bought it?'

ACME, Inc. For the man who has everything. It's a home security company.

"Your mother and I have seen your report card, and we've decided to distance ourselves from you."

'I hope he didn't write the menu.' (Pub quizzers comment on poor grammar)

"If the stock market goes to infinity, would we be able to pay off the national debt?"

"Get the story and get it write."

A Conservation Biologist Goes for Therapy

"He's allergic to peanuts, sensitive to wheat, lactose-intolerant, and just plain weirded out by fruit."

Human rights fish is eaten by a shark.

'Isn't it great Darling: The kids are now old enough to have dinner ready when we get home...'

"But is it Organic?"

"Are you sure this is in your job description?"

'What do you mean give the boy a house key? He'll lose it, learn how to break in despite our sophisticated security system and be on his way to a life of crime.'

'You couldn't just lock him up somewhere, could you?'

'The kids just get so upset when a pet dies, so we decided to get one of these tortoises that live to be 150.'

Guardianship of minors

Make a careful study of these creatures and use every means to combat them...

'You need to get your grades up...because good grades are an early sign of good credit scores.'

I'm sorry, sir, but the bill is correct. The sign says "Kid Seat Free," not "Kids eat free."

Sometimes I worry about you, Axel. Teenagers are a big source of anxiety for their guardians. You don

"Let me guess... Military, right?"

Never divulge your credit card pin number to your children!'