Voting Comedian Gifts

'Well, for me I guess it all started when I registered to vote....'

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

"With an average vote of 3.5 stars, the legislation is passed."

'But I think my strongest asset as an employee is my aversion to pretense, coupled with an unwavering commitment to a regular-guy persona!'

'Thank you but I'm a bit sensitive to ethnic food.'

Ferguson, Bramley, Osgood & Holt - Big Frogs in a Small Pond.

"Wake up, it's Spring and we forgot to vote!"

'They expect us to vote cold sober?'

'You've got to help me, Doc - I'm a swing voter!'

Jeb Can Ficks It

"He can't tell his left from his right."

"But, Senator, all the cool kids were doing it."

"If memory serves, the alternative to being a McGovern-nik was being a Nixon-nik."

'Look out, he has a gun!'

"Russia is run by rich oligarchs. America is run by rich insurance companies."

England's jester - United States' jester.

'We see a lot of carpal tunnel syndrome caused by repetitious pushing of the tv mute button during the political ad season.'

"Give me moderation or give me death!"

Gary Johnson

Now THAT was a speech with something for everybody!

The Slumber Party.

I like you as president/I like-like you as president.

Four Seasons Total Landscaping

Vice-President Auditions Today!

Elect Fred O. Pittley: The Candidate of ALL the special interests.

And the pig stood up and slowly walked away...

"I had trouble opening the child-proof cap."

"I think he's running as an independent."

It's not the Winning. It's the Taking Part that Counts. Vote Lib Dem.

The Snipe Hunt.

'Remember, Chuckles, never discount the write-in vote of circus fans.'