Voting Comedian Gifts

'Well, for me I guess it all started when I registered to vote....'

'Look -- I'm willing to forget about all this if you are.'

"Exactly how undecided would you say you were at this precise moment?"

"With an average vote of 3.5 stars, the legislation is passed."

'But I think my strongest asset as an employee is my aversion to pretense, coupled with an unwavering commitment to a regular-guy persona!'

At This Restaurant, There Are Only Two Dishes on the Menu and They Both Suck

Ted Cruz announced he's running for president. He's not going to win. He was the first to announce. No first-announcer has won since 1952. Besides, his name's too similar to Tom Cruise. And Tom Cruise is so not in right now. HOJ. We should have our own political show. If I an do it shirtless, I'm in.

'Thank you but I'm a bit sensitive to ethnic food.'

"Wake up, it's Spring and we forgot to vote!"

Ferguson, Bramley, Osgood & Holt - Big Frogs in a Small Pond.

'They expect us to vote cold sober?'

'You've got to help me, Doc - I'm a swing voter!'

England's jester - United States' jester.

"But, Senator, all the cool kids were doing it."

'Look out, he has a gun!'

"Russia is run by rich oligarchs. America is run by rich insurance companies."

"If memory serves, the alternative to being a McGovern-nik was being a Nixon-nik."

"He can't tell his left from his right."

Jeb Can Ficks It

"Give me moderation or give me death!"

'We see a lot of carpal tunnel syndrome caused by repetitious pushing of the tv mute button during the political ad season.'

The Slumber Party.

Now THAT was a speech with something for everybody!

I like you as president/I like-like you as president.

Gary Johnson

Four Seasons Total Landscaping

Vice-President Auditions Today!

It's not the Winning. It's the Taking Part that Counts. Vote Lib Dem.

It's the season for political candidates to deliver their pitch to voters. Sometimes the pitch is like a fastball, direct and to the point. Or the pitch might be like a curve, starting off on one path and then going in a different direction. Voters might see a pitch like a changeup, something completely unexpected. Unfortunately, too often the candidate's pitch is like a knuckleball - it just seems to be erratic and nonsensical!

Sexy Voting

"I think he's running as an independent."

And the pig stood up and slowly walked away...

"I had trouble opening the child-proof cap."

Elect Fred O. Pittley: The Candidate of ALL the special interests.

The Snipe Hunt.