Volunteer Procrastinator Gifts

"The results of the church volunteer drive are in. We have 27 non-responders, 17 no shows, 23 incorrect contact info provided, 31 changes of heart, and 178 are still praying about it."

"Ideas that jump from noggin when head not yet screwed on."

"Lazy? I've been social-networking my ass off."

"I flunked out of cooking school. Even the dog won't eat my homework."

'I'm just going to go and slip into something more comfortable, like denial.'

Man needs to buy excuse for missing work from vending machine.

'1001 things to do whilst waiting to get on the internet.'

"Josh, can you call my 3:30 and let them know I'll be a little late and completely unfocused."

"This next song's from the soundtrack to the film of the book I never got around to writing."

The Forever Stamp

E-waste - 'Well there's another hour gone on email.'

'A cyber-terrorist stole my homework. I have a note from the CIA. '

Working from home to-do list.

Nethead strip: Over doing the time spent on the computer

"I can't mow the lawn today. A bug just flew up my nose."

'I'm not lazy - just resting before I get tired...'

"Things to do today: 1) stare out window 2) crap on new bedspread 3) stare out window 4) claw up ottoman 5) stare out window 6) take nap."

'I prefer to work vicariously as opposed to remotely.'

Waiting to do the second coat was the worst part. It was like watching paint dry.

"Shouldn't you be studying?

'Hey, boss, what's a 7 letter work starting with 'w' that represents what I should be doing rather than solving crossword puzzles?'

"I hate going into a staff meeting without a clear exit strategy."

Invaders from Planet Manava.

"My five least favorite words in the world: By End of the Day Friday!"

'Work's the greatest thing on earth... so I'm saving some up for tomorrow!'

The meeting will start a little late, intelligence is lost in the building somewhere.

The Procrastinatorium.

'You didn't practice last night,did you?'

"Do you mean am I busy busy?"

'Sorry I'm late getting home from work. I overslept.'

"A 15 page 'to do' list is a 'don't do' list."

"Thanks for coming in on the weekend....although let's admit it, you took a nap at your desk that happened to last all night..."

Thanks for making the breakfast meeting, Harris.

'Do excuse Ed's immobility - he's being regulated.'

I was a day late and a dollar short, but it was a personal best!