Volcano Buff Gifts

"The gods are energizing their base."

How am I abducting?

All Harold's aptitude test showed is that he had an aptitude for taking tests.

Aliens with abducted person look at a suggestion box.

Apocalypse Research Center

Early accounting scandals.

"Frank, I want you to try antidepressants."

"....and hold the garlic."

Hysterically laughing monster.

Mr Jefferson Brick Proposes a Toast at the 'Rowdy Journal' Offices

"Remember, the password is case sensitive."

The Stat-ewe of Liberty.

Despite his perfect 'Poker Face'. the others always seemed to know when Toby had a good hand...

'Do you have to bring your mother on every flight?'

"Earth, you'll need our standard Roswell cover"

'This was to have been Hillary's greatest moment...'

'Your iceberg salad, Captain!'

'We can't take off yet, Madame!'

Tripled his reading speed with no loss in comprehension.

Person welcomes alien to Earth, and is consequently zapped.

'Great Moment #200 in Computing: Columbus discovers the COBOL Islands.'

'Let's get out of here! -- That's one of those thingies that hold up pizza box lids!'

"Great! The world ended and I slept right through it!"

Alien spaceship gets tangled in a kite.

"Phil, you've done a terrific job of reinventing yourself...but we see here you're still just patent pending."

'The End is Near' and 'There's No End In Sight.'

National Pigeon Monument (poos on someone's head).

Anecdote Magazine

"Wow, I did not see that coming."

'At last! Blinkwhistle, we;ve found their elusive burial grounds.'

"Shotgun!"

"What a ripoff."

'That's the Director of Housing. She isn't taking the news of the rates freeze too well...'

Dinosaur scared of a mouse.

Used space shuttle