Visiting Pubs Pillows

'At least they can't touch the village local' say two country gents. The pub now has a sign on the window saying 'This is now a smoke free pub, also no dogs or horsey types!'

'I think globally but I drink locally!'

"Sorry, the lagers off"

"Bloody hell! If I get another metered water bill like this, I'll have to start selling concentrated ale."

"A quick pint, Mavis, I'm running on empty!"

"Long time no see. Where have you been?"

"This is astounding, Al. You never struck me as a jaiku kind of a guy."

"I had an accident at the upholstery factory - I'm fully recovered now."

"My brother thinks it's cool to take drugs – he's a customs officer!"

"The Ususal, Mr. B?"

"I'm only going to t'pub out of a sense of duty - the landlord saw me walk past t'other day on my way t' Red lion."

'You might as well make out a direct debit to that place!'

'That's her second pitcher and she doesn't even like beer - I guess she just likes to pee.'

'That perfume you're wearing smells funny. I love it!'

'This beer is pale and tasteless.' 'Your glass is empty.'

MAN OF THE YEAR, 'You must come here a lot.'

'Beer? Wassat then?'

'The house is as you left it, Luv - I'm lodging at the Red Lion.'

'Let's keep it simple -- stop serving me when you run out of beer.'

'Doesn't seem right somehow-REAL ale in PLASTIC glasses!'

Crow Bar

'Fill it up.' 'The olive bowl.'

Barman giving a boy a pipe for his farther who drinks there every night

"I hardly think a transition team is necessary, Ed, in order to switch from beer to Scotch."

"This place has the best happy hour."

'We have 800 beers on tap. If you want to hear all of them, you'll have to get here earlier, we close in six hours.'

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

Best Before 5th Pint.

'Gimme a Canadian club on the rocks!'

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

'I know it's gassy...'

Beers

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

City Boy.