Going To Pubs Pillows

'if your wife ever asks you to meet her at Pilates...don't! It's not a pizzeria.'

'Looks like a good day fah haulin' lobstah, eh, Pauley?...Let's just say it became a good day fah drinkin'...'

'If you fella's are going to sit there nursing one pint all night, you'd better clear off!'

"How's your job as a lift operator going..?"

"How about one more for the road not taken?"

"She lost weight and now she says we're not a good fit."

"I'm off, I only popped in for a swift three units."

"Glad I had a pretzel before leaving the house; I'd hate to drink all that on an empty stomach."

'If I'd know how much a pint was going to cost at this time of life, I'd have misspent my youth for a lot longer.'

'-but I was only joking when I offered to take Rover's place at the pub!'

'Hi, beautiful! Where have you been all my life?' 'For most of it I wasn't born!'

'I'm here because I couldn't find my TV remote.'

Police catching drink drivers at closing time - "Happy Hour"

"Damn it, he was a regular."

The Cricketer's Arms

'Two halfs of MILD MANNERED, then we'll wreck the joint.'

'I fancy stretching my legs. Could you order the Bitter?'

'You spend too much time in this stuffy pub.' - 'You're right, I'm taking my drink onto the patio.'

'Where toilet?.' 'Toilet lady graphic sign.'

Real Beer People

"This place has the best happy hour."

'We have 800 beers on tap. If you want to hear all of them, you'll have to get here earlier, we close in six hours.'

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

Check your universal remote control at the door.

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

Best Before 5th Pint.

"It feels good to unwind..."

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

Beers

'Gimme a Canadian club on the rocks!'

"A sentimental journey of a thousand miles begins with the first martini."

'You shouldn't knock them back so quickly.'

You said you wanted beer with hops !

"What other tricks does he need?"

"I forget to drink."