Pub Goers Pillows

"You're not from around here are you?"

"Is it horny in here, or is it just me?"

"I'm all for taking away the darts and giving him back his car keys."

Swan Inn: No children or men in lycra

Divorce as a cure for earache

"It's very convenient." - The 'must have' for a knight in the pub.

"I don't know 'where I've been all of your life', but wherever it was, I wish I was there now!"

"I'm all over the Internet, so why hide? I might as well come out and enjoy myself."

"Do I have to take sides between Ed Koch and Donald Trump?"

"You wouldn't hit a man with glasses..?"

As Jeff entered the remote country pub, he realised the locals were in-bred.

'I told you smokefree bars wouldn't be the end of it!'

'What do we do now? He was our designated driver?'

How to get past the smoking ban in pubs.

'Not only won't she go out with me, she turned me down with a form letter.'

'Shirt and shoes required. No tank tops.'

"You're not from around here, are you?"

'Fancy relocating to the pub for a couple of hours?'

'Apparently his mate is really well hung.'

Celebrity anagrams: Drab Ian's bar row (Answer: Barbara Windsor.)

"This place has the best happy hour."

"He could have been the national bird, but that was a long, long time ago."

'Well, gotta get up early and start drinking again.'

"It feels good to unwind..."

'Of course I'm out of touch with reality. That's what I came here for.'

"Them's cat-fightin' words, Arlin!"

'Gimme a Canadian club on the rocks!'

'What sort of wines do you like?' ... 'Powerful ones!'

City Boy.

Beers

'I know it's gassy...'

"It's kind of sweet when they're all settled in like this."

You said you wanted beer with hops !

Men's fragrances...

'Here comes your own personal weekly beer supply, Joe!'