Visionary Giggler Gifts

'Ye olde optician.'

'I'm afraid he's at that age when he's into everything!'

Clown God

That's all very well sir, but is it full strength, low fat, high calcium or soy?

'Dad, do you you think there's s**t on other planets?'

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

Get on with it!

The spirit in the wall would go on and ond, but Alvin never let it bother him.

Fancy a pint?

'I'll come in as soon as I've seen the orbits of Venus.'

Smokers smoking on the moon, Astronauts smoking on the moon

'I can't hire you, but I can sell you some stock in the company.'

'God sees everything? You mean He channel surfs?'

Moses' first encounter with the burning bush didn't go well.

'He's wearing a toupee.'

2pm meet your Creator

Solar Gain: "Be honest: does the new planet make me look fat?"

William, have I ever told you you're the wings beneath my wind?

"Can you write 'To Mandy - you're the best'?"

'I'm sorry for laughing Emperor Dorkbutt, it's just that in our language, well...'

I am one with stupid.

'U. . .S. .U. .C. .K. . . . L. . O. . L.'

"I'm the black sheep of the family because I'm afraid of the dark."

"Yes, it was 'love at first sight'. But, by the time I'd made my first opticians appointment we were already married."

'If Batman can have a batmobile why can't a snowman...'

"I can't create your bride until you make your co-pay."

'Whoops!'

"Two things are infinite: The universe and human stupididy' and I'm not sure about the universe." Albert Einstein. Our colleague and I were going to debate, with me arguing the universe is finite and he's arguing that it's infinite. But he pulled out saying the debate organizers are biased against his position. He didn't believe they were simply advising folks to arrive early when they said "space is limited."

Black Hole Corks

'You Have a food allergy. Even worse it's to 'O' type!'

Aliens would have destroyed us years ago if it weren't for our entertainment value.

'Why are ghosts bad at telling lies?'

We interrupt today's "The Price is Right" episode to bring you breaking news … Weeks ago, the Hubble telescope spotted a rogue planet the size of Venus plummeting through the solar system on a collision course with earth. It turns out it was actually just a prank involving two very bored ISS astronauts and a grapefruit. Breaking News!!!!! Maybe we should send them to Mars after all. One of them seems to have scrawled "Around and around and around and around" all over his space suit, in crayon.

'Millions of billions of trillions of light years away? I could visualise it if you said it in MILES!'

'That was so funny. I haven't booed that loudly in years.'