Vision Care Advocate Pillows

'They might look sexy and seductive but all I want to do is the crossword.'

'Cliff! Cliff!.. Where are you Cliff?'

' ... and I'd suggest you spend less time surfing the web.'

Health Care

"Everything I see looks like a website captcha. I'm either having vision problems, or I'm spending too much time online."

'Transylvania's most famous Optometrist 'Count Mracula'.'

Hospital Departments

'Apparently it's part of the evolutionary process!'

"Do you feel your eyes have changed any since your last visit?" "No. They seem to be ho, ho, ho, holding their own."

'The other kids at school say I might need glasses, Dad.'

Musical Eye Test

Dog leading a blind dog and blind person.

A question you don't want - "How many fingers am I holding up."

'Inadvertently, Optometrist Niles Frobe triggers the Global Financial crisis' 'You have a bad case of eyestrain. I want you to keep your eyes off the ball for a few weeks!'

After her laser surgery, Alice was able to read barcodes without an optical scanner.

"Ralph - you'd play better golf if you had your eyes checked."

National Optometrists Association. O.K., whose idea was it to form a focus group?…

'Those look good on you, They help make your nose look smaller,'

'You have a 9:00 A.M. appointment with your ophthalmologist to check your vision and a 11:00 A.M. appointment with the staff to rally the troops around your vision.'

Optician: 'I can't seem to switch off.'

"Would you rather be smart or funny?"

"I'm here because my vision is getting so bad I can't even see clearly in my dreams at night!"

"So, did Little Red Riding Hood have really bad eyesight or something?"

'Unknown fact: Cows aren't grazing...they're searching for their contact lenses.'

"Oh, come on ref. How can you not see that?!"

'The smallest line I can read says 'Made In China'.'

'The problem isn't your high definition television, it's your low definition eyes.'

'No,if you'll read the eyes-in-the-back-off-your-head chart, I check your mom vision,'

'Very good, but not quite 'presidential vision'.'

"Feels like an elephant trunk...."

Groucho Glasses Eye Test

Hen to optometrist about chicks: 'I'm here to check my peepers.'

"Am I seeing double? You and your twin are the experts, why don't you two tell me!"

George Washington's Birthday

Dr. Harper had a special eye exam chart made for hieroglyphics professor patient.