Virtual Vicar Gifts

Gracebook.

Second united church of the internet: Make Jesus your screen savior

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"Black or white, Vicar?"

Priest's 'To do' list.

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

Night-time halo

'Who's this 'Art in Heaven' guy you keep talking about?'

Early Piety

"Actually, I'm really looking for blessings that aren't in disguise"

'First the dinosaurs, now this...'

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"I hope you won't repent afterwards, Vicar, It's a devilishly hot vindaloo!"

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

'Irwin graduates from an online course today.'

Thou Shalt Not!

Teaching a Sunday school class didn't end the way John imagined.

'No, but thanks for asking,'

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

"In the same of the phone, the tablet, and the desktop computer."

Dogma

'... and bless all of God's creatures with the possible exception of the greenfly...'

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

'How about joining us for a soda and pizza after the ceremony?'

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"