Vehicular Vicar Gifts

Bloody pedestrians! Get out of the way! Don't you beep at me, arrogant drivers!

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

The Vineyard

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

Priest's 'To do' list.

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"Black or white, Vicar?"

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

" ... and peace be with you, although not likely."

Mac OS 20

Night-time halo

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

'Who's this 'Art in Heaven' guy you keep talking about?'

Early Piety

"Actually, I'm really looking for blessings that aren't in disguise"

'First the dinosaurs, now this...'

"I hope you won't repent afterwards, Vicar, It's a devilishly hot vindaloo!"

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

Thou Shalt Not!

Teaching a Sunday school class didn't end the way John imagined.

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

Two Men Discuss Ministers.

'No, but thanks for asking,'

'How about joining us for a soda and pizza after the ceremony?'

'... and bless all of God's creatures with the possible exception of the greenfly...'

"In the same of the phone, the tablet, and the desktop computer."