Vicars Gifts

'I hate it when the organist is away on holiday'

"I name this child, Elvis - and he's messed up my blue suede shoes."

"Actually, I'm really looking for blessings that aren't in disguise"

'If you think God moves in mysterious ways, you should see long division.'

'We'd like to christen him 2GR4T7VXS35. That way it'll be easier for him to get his own web domain name when he's older.'

"Building fund not going well, Reverend?"

". . . and what is the user name of this child?"

Sermon: '...and on the eighth day he created creationists.'

Are you sure you know what you're doing?

'Well, that was unexpected.'

'Sid you have to show your ignorance by asking if the ten commandments were written in stone?'

"'Host' and Cheese?"

'Chlamydia, that's a new one on me.'

'To avoid possible schism, a period of careful reflection is needed before changing the light-bulb.'

Testing the water temperature in the font.

Missionary Statement: Spread the Word.

"There isn't really time for your lawyers to go over the small print, Mr Johnson."

"Lassie, go get help!" "Oh Timmy you idiot! Not again!"

"We found the poor thing stranded on the beach last summer and decided to adopt it."

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

"I hope you are enjoying the walk..."

"Hulk no can be mad at Mr. Puppy Face"

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

Police Feline Unit

"I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal, I will not lick the principal."

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

'So far, I've taught him to fetch.'

"Actually, make that a double cream."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

Indoor Climbing Centre for Cats.

'With 73 dog obedience books read between us, I think we must consider defeat.'

"Sometimes ... I just want to run away."