Victory Vicar Gifts

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

It soon became apparent that the vicar was an undercover journalist.

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

"We stumbled onto a house - and both of us being young and in love and quick to grasp the situation - "

Church for sports worshipers.

'Do you promise to love, honor and remain co-dependent until death do you part?'

"Black or white, Vicar?"

Priest's 'To do' list.

'Today's sermon is on Eve and Adam....'

Kid to pastor: 'Which office is heaven?'

Night-time halo

'Due to the poor response to the roof repair fund we cannot afford to lift the rafters when rejoicing in song.'

'Who's this 'Art in Heaven' guy you keep talking about?'

Early Piety

"You seem troubled, Pastor. Is anything worrying you...I mean aside from the sins of the world, the vanity of humankind, man's inhumanity to man..."

"I hope you won't repent afterwards, Vicar, It's a devilishly hot vindaloo!"

'First the dinosaurs, now this...'

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

'Wait a minute - How do we break a tie?'

Thou Shalt Not!

Teaching a Sunday school class didn't end the way John imagined.

Priest

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

'How about joining us for a soda and pizza after the ceremony?'

"...and I, Pastor Smith...preaching to you now from this pulpit, speak to you from experience about the 'strong-willed' child...BELIEVE me!"

'Can we sit in the balcony today? Huh? Can we?'

'I've got two tickets to Handel's Messiah -- What time do you get off work?'

'You were great at 'Daniel in the Lion's Den!' -- I'd sure like to hear you do 'The Three Little Pigs' sometime!'

'....Till death do you part, don't say I didn't warn you.'

'No, but thanks for asking,'

"In the same of the phone, the tablet, and the desktop computer."

'... and bless all of God's creatures with the possible exception of the greenfly...'

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

Two Men Discuss Ministers.