Vintage Jokes Pillows

"Your early stuff was funnier."

"Smile when you say that, pardner."

"Er – if you young people don't mind, I have a few things to do now. Perhaps you have a hotel or somewhere to go?"

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

'Ha! Ha! The Wooin' O't!'

'Sorry guys... budget cuts !'

'Sigh! So that's what love is all about...'

'The village's oldest inhabitant? We did have one, but he died.'

Two men toting a dog in a carriage by foot, while the dog sticks his head out the window.

"He reports to Grand Central Palace tomorrow."

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Moscow 1917

'Admit it, you've been laughing behind my back ever since 1957 when we went in that hall of mirrors in Skegness!'

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

"Do let me know if I'm getting in the way, won't you?"

Peter Cook

"It's time you had those dinosaur hips replaced."

Mr. Toots becomes particular - Diogenes also

"Let that breathe a little. But not too much. My last bottle hyperventilated."

'Ever think it's a whole new world for us old guys?'

"Ooops is a bit of an understatement, don't you think Cardigan?"

'The crepes of wrath.' 'Joad's mobile pancake store.'

'I'll wait for Harold one more year. He hasn't crossed the finish line yet from the 1932 Olympic's marathon.'

"Cassius Clay....Muhammad Ali....was one name his chatroom nickname or user name?"

The Enemy

'Oh yeah. He's the fastest in the west alright. The fastest out of town, at the first sight of trouble.'

'How kids really saw Mr Robinson in computer classes.'

"I hate to sound like a sergeant, Ralph, but it's ten minutes to six."

A man selling a horse to an older lady

"Typical! - The Frobishers' have fire and the wheel..."

'The MCC celebrate a famous victory' group of dodgy looking old English men holding drinking glasses

'Ain't it great, Wally, to be over the hill and not under it!'

1874: Custer's Last Stand-Up

Its a poor heart that never rejoices

Gunswinger

Old Martin Chuzzlewit Suspects the Landlady without Reason