Vintage Humor Pillows

'Mr. Churchill, you are drunk !' 'Yes Madam and you are ugly but tomorrow I shall be sober.'

Man escaping from his scolding wife by inhaling ether

'He Will!'

A boy being made to stand in the corner

'Ha! Ha! The Wooin' O't!'

"Doc's clean out of anaesthetic - he's drank it all!"

"Smile when you say that, pardner."

"Er – if you young people don't mind, I have a few things to do now. Perhaps you have a hotel or somewhere to go?"

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

'Sorry guys... budget cuts !'

'The village's oldest inhabitant? We did have one, but he died.'

'Sigh! So that's what love is all about...'

Two men toting a dog in a carriage by foot, while the dog sticks his head out the window.

'Admit it, you've been laughing behind my back ever since 1957 when we went in that hall of mirrors in Skegness!'

"He reports to Grand Central Palace tomorrow."

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Moscow 1917

"I should cover your ears.I'm not very good at this.'

"It's time you had those dinosaur hips replaced."

Vaudeville producers audition a singing Canada goose.

"Let that breathe a little. But not too much. My last bottle hyperventilated."

Mr. Toots becomes particular - Diogenes also

'Ever think it's a whole new world for us old guys?'

'Oh yeah. He's the fastest in the west alright. The fastest out of town, at the first sight of trouble.'

"Ooops is a bit of an understatement, don't you think Cardigan?"

"Cassius Clay....Muhammad Ali....was one name his chatroom nickname or user name?"

'I'll wait for Harold one more year. He hasn't crossed the finish line yet from the 1932 Olympic's marathon.'

A man selling a horse to an older lady

'The crepes of wrath.' 'Joad's mobile pancake store.'

The Enemy

'How kids really saw Mr Robinson in computer classes.'

"I hate to sound like a sergeant, Ralph, but it's ten minutes to six."

"Don't panic Daisy dear. You can relax your buttocks, it's not the vet, it's the chimney sweep."

'Ain't it great, Wally, to be over the hill and not under it!'

"Typical! - The Frobishers' have fire and the wheel..."

'The MCC celebrate a famous victory' group of dodgy looking old English men holding drinking glasses