Vintage Comedy Explorer Gifts

'Wait! -- We'll never develop a meaningful relationship if you keep knocking me unconscious!'

The Vineyard

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

I don't think we can survive here. There's little chance we can afford the taxes.

Vaudeville producers audition a singing Canada goose.

"You can stop any time, sir. I've already told you I'm not wearing a body camera!"

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

W.C. Fields

'The old woman who lives in a shoe gets a camper van.'

"Why? Because without documentation, this would be lost to history."

Religious toilets.

W.C.Fields

"This is incredible! I thought Amelia Earhart was dead."

'Time ou! ... Flea!'

'Does it have colour?'

"Day 1: Back in the carrier."

"Congratulations, you've passed."

"I just attained enlightenment! - Gimme a high-five!"

Quick Sand and Slow Sand

Dodo with rubber ring

"Oh, sure, Mr. Nice Guy robot, bringing in the pastries...we get fat and you just sit there, charging your batteries!"

'He arrested two kids yesterday. One for drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. He charged one and let the other off!'

'You're an arms salesman?'

Open Mic Nacht

Groucho Marx

'Have you done any stand-up?'

'Poor Oog -- evolution sure has AGED him!'

'You ate the centerpiece,clodpate.'

Cowboys and Vacuums

'Good day on Wall Street?'

"Stop snickering at my retro iconography."

Man caught in fishing lines

The Quack Quack Diaries - Quack Quack Joins The Army

Silhouttes

"What have I told you about shoplifting, son!"