Vintage Comedy Explorer Pillows

'Wait! -- We'll never develop a meaningful relationship if you keep knocking me unconscious!'

The Vineyard

"Happy birthday, dear. You still have that sparkle in your eyes!" "That sparkle burned out years ago. These are cataracts."

Vaudeville producers audition a singing Canada goose.

"You can stop any time, sir. I've already told you I'm not wearing a body camera!"

'He wanted to be remembered this way.'

'The old woman who lives in a shoe gets a camper van.'

"Why? Because without documentation, this would be lost to history."

"This is incredible! I thought Amelia Earhart was dead."

Religious toilets.

'Time ou! ... Flea!'

'Does it have colour?'

"Congratulations, you've passed."

"I just attained enlightenment! - Gimme a high-five!"

"Day 1: Back in the carrier."

'You're an arms salesman?'

'He arrested two kids yesterday. One for drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. He charged one and let the other off!'

Quick Sand and Slow Sand

"Oh, sure, Mr. Nice Guy robot, bringing in the pastries...we get fat and you just sit there, charging your batteries!"

'Have you done any stand-up?'

Dodo with rubber ring

"What have I told you about shoplifting, son!"

Man caught in fishing lines

'You ate the centerpiece,clodpate.'

"I showed Tia Carmen these really funny cartoons I drew...but she didn't laugh."

'Good day on Wall Street?'

"Stop snickering at my retro iconography."

Silhouttes

'Poor Oog -- evolution sure has AGED him!'