Vineyard Tending T-Shirts

'And, to think, you always said the old winemaker would never let his son do anything around here.'

The Vineyard

'Plastic corks, then screw caps; when they come out with a flip-n-sip Chateau Petrus I'm hanging up my tastevin.'

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

Wine enthusiast tries to make his way to Cork.

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"I make it myself!"

'This is the last time we hire former Cirque du Soleil members as stompers.'

'As Chuck's definition of terroir dragged past the 20-minute mark, Suzy concluded, the longer the explanation, the less likely you know what the word means.'

'In Love'

"If the weather stays good, we could end up in a very prestigious 1992 Cabernet Sauvignon."

'We drove 800 miles for this? If I wanted to look at a roomful of dusty bottles, we could have visited your mother.'

'Who's the new guy?'

On Champagne: 'Nobody knows the bubbles I've seen.'

Wine tasting

Spiro & Pusho: watering the vine and the neighbour.

"Soy milk and rice milk are okay but I prefer grape milk.".

'There's over 500,000 different wines? Bernie, we've got work to do!'

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

'The first rule of enjoying fine wine is to make sure you and the wine are in the same room.'

'The yeast cells are flocculating? - I don't think the kids are ready for that.'

Nouveau wine

'Do you do anything with the old casks?'

"This family-owned boutique wine is produced from a single grape."

'I think we can skip the resume.'

'Bruce! 'ow many times must I tell 'ya? Only one wave of the bloomin' terroir flag over the fruit!'

"Now this is a Francis Ford Coppola. We still haven't been here quite long enough to be drinkable ourselves."

'Did you hear? We have a new slogan: Artisan-crafted wine made the old-world way.'

'This is the vineyard the US government started 10 years ago, with $2 billion and a staff of 1,500. No wine yet, but I hear they've nearly got a slogan.'

Wine connoisseur in search of new vintage.(Wine)

"To tourists this just looks like a pile of rotten and damaged grapes. But here at Trendy Vineyards, we look at it and see Special Select Reserve."

'Mmm... the bouquet flickers around the nose like butterflies sweetly scented by the shower from a the milk of a goddesses breasts.'

Serving wine - "I make it myself."