Vineyard Manager T-Shirts

Grape vines think alike.

"That's not our logo. That's the company's flowchart."

Vineyard Tasting Room. Books have "best sellers" lists and wines have "best cellars" lists. But unlike digital books, digital wines will never compete with the original version!

'With all the time you spend in the red, maybe you should change the name of this place to Chapter 11 Vineyards.'

'Funny, when he was a movie director and yelled, 'cut', he wanted everyone to stop.'

'Four years, for a wine degree, from UC Davis...for this.'

'Thank you for phoning our vineyard. . .'

'This is the vineyard the US government started 10 years ago, with $2 billion and a staff of 1,500. No wine yet, but I hear they've nearly got a slogan.'

"To tourists this just looks like a pile of rotten and damaged grapes. But here at Trendy Vineyards, we look at it and see Special Select Reserve."

Vineyard Portrait

The Vineyard

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

Wine enthusiast tries to make his way to Cork.

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

'In Love'

"I make it myself!"

"If the weather stays good, we could end up in a very prestigious 1992 Cabernet Sauvignon."

'We drove 800 miles for this? If I wanted to look at a roomful of dusty bottles, we could have visited your mother.'

'Who's the new guy?'

An Excellent Nose for Wine.

On Champagne: 'Nobody knows the bubbles I've seen.'

Wine tasting

Spiro & Pusho: watering the vine and the neighbour.

"I like keeping bees, but it's so hard keeping all their names straight."

'The first rule of enjoying fine wine is to make sure you and the wine are in the same room.'

My friend, Ernie, the documentary filmmaker, is producing a series about beverages. One film follows a man's search for the perfect lager. The working title is "The Beer Hunter." He found a group of young women in high school who are fantastic baristas. "Bean Girls." Espresso. Another movie will uncover animosity in the orange juice business. Maybe I should call it "Pulp Friction." And he's examining vineyards and winemakers all over the globe. I'll call the film "Planet of the Grapes"!

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

'The yeast cells are flocculating? - I don't think the kids are ready for that.'

'Why is the jacuzzi full of grapes?'

Nouveau wine

Wine connoisseur in search of new vintage.(Wine)

'Mmm... the bouquet flickers around the nose like butterflies sweetly scented by the shower from a the milk of a goddesses breasts.'

"This family-owned boutique wine is produced from a single grape."

'Bruce! 'ow many times must I tell 'ya? Only one wave of the bloomin' terroir flag over the fruit!'

'I think we can skip the resume.'