Vineyard Visits T-Shirts

Please Wash Feet Before Returning To Work

'Thank you for phoning our vineyard. . .'

Wine Making

"I'm afraid it's still rather young."

The Vineyard

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

Wine enthusiast tries to make his way to Cork.

'You wanted to be a wine maker in the worst way, Paul - and you've succeeded.'

'Why, thank you. When they started the vineyard five generations ago, I heard they were shooting for freakin' awesome.'

"I make it myself!"

'We drove 800 miles for this? If I wanted to look at a roomful of dusty bottles, we could have visited your mother.'

Man with wine glass face looks unhappy.

'Who's the new guy?'

On Champagne: 'Nobody knows the bubbles I've seen.'

Wine tasting

Spiro & Pusho: watering the vine and the neighbour.

"Soy milk and rice milk are okay but I prefer grape milk.".

'There's over 500,000 different wines? Bernie, we've got work to do!'

'The first rule of enjoying fine wine is to make sure you and the wine are in the same room.'

"I've tried that one; it's a blend of 74 different red grapes - including two of the plastic decorative type."

'The yeast cells are flocculating? - I don't think the kids are ready for that.'

Nouveau wine

'Do you do anything with the old casks?'

"To tourists this just looks like a pile of rotten and damaged grapes. But here at Trendy Vineyards, we look at it and see Special Select Reserve."

Wine connoisseur in search of new vintage.(Wine)

"Now this is a Francis Ford Coppola. We still haven't been here quite long enough to be drinkable ourselves."

"This family-owned boutique wine is produced from a single grape."

'Mmm... the bouquet flickers around the nose like butterflies sweetly scented by the shower from a the milk of a goddesses breasts.'

'I think we can skip the resume.'

"Wine is plant-based food."

Man crushing grapes with flippers.

'Move? Are you kidding? With the wines the guy next door collects?'

"If working 12 hours a day in a winery is making you crazy, get a hobby - like making homemade wine."

'The brochure says their wines are distinctive. I think I know why.'

'My first day in our vineyard wasn't a total loss, honey. I found two pennies.'