Village Socialite Gifts

Lobster a la Riseholme!

"He was overly socialized as a puppy."

Country Bumpkin.

'A Ball at the Mansion House'

"Another flue shot, Larry.

Children's Party

A little sharpener before dinner, darling?

"'Mr. Evans,' she said to me with that adorable smile, 'I think you're the nicest boy in the entire old-boy network.'"

Rod was unimpressed with the party - Sure, he was surrounded by bikini-clad lovelies, there was free champagne and a 20-foot jelly, but much to his chagrin, there was a distinct lack of cheese and pineapple chunks.

"Whoa! Wrong bar?"

"Bob choked on a spoon of caviar while he was on skiing vacation in St. Moritz."

A day at the races

'If you're worried what to say you do for a living at your reunion, just tell them you recently bought a large stake in a local brewery.'

"I didn't even know Smallville had a set!"

'Fill 'er up Fred!'

"I think it’s time we started holding other kids’ hands."

"Brian's considering the optics."

'Ah, beer! And the bringer of beer!'

'Can I get you anything? Coffee? A biscuit?...A lift home?'

"Loved our evening, Lou. Thanks for being rich."

"Francophobe meet Francophile."

Come on, honey. The neighborhood potlucks are fun. Fun?! Everyone brings something simple. Totally stress-free. Ha! Last year you made lemon-stuffed slow roasted sea bass with guacamole cilantro chutney. I won't do that again! Guacamole is over. Avocado grapefruit coulis will work.

'Can anybody here separate their fingers and if so will you pour?'

"Please try not to offer expert analysis."

"This is the Upper East Side, sir. We don’t sell ‘well’ vodka."

"Either you're emitting the scent of power, or your phone battery is about to explode."

'Oh, we've met. We were once married to one another.'

"What might you have written that I might say I've read?"

"I want you two to meet some people who just bought a fabulous five-story brownstone with a garden in Troy, New York."

"Your party just totally blew us away."

Fresh Pears / Ripe Plums / Juicy Gossip

'Dear, of course no one can tell you what they think of the wine, you haven't told them how much it cost yet.'

Model Village/Realistic Model Village.

'Forget the artwork who made the martinis?!'

'I like the way you don't say I've had enough.'