Small-town Socialite Gifts

"I didn't even know Smallville had a set!"

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

'Everyone here likes a big band, right?'

"There's a notice from the co-op board. Would we be interested in playing softball on the Great Lawn?"

Health organizations doubt the benefits of skiing holidays.

Come on, honey. The neighborhood potlucks are fun. Fun?! Everyone brings something simple. Totally stress-free. Ha! Last year you made lemon-stuffed slow roasted sea bass with guacamole cilantro chutney. I won't do that again! Guacamole is over. Avocado grapefruit coulis will work.

Lobster a la Riseholme!

'Actually, I hate places like this.'

I never finished our book. Me neither. I was reading another one. Me too. Totally addictive. Then let's choose that one for next month. Great. Facebook works for me! It's bookmarked!

"My son took away my license." "Too many hit and runs." "Too many birthdays?"

"I'm leaving Friday and we are all going to the club after work. Will you come?"

'Hello! I don't believe I've bored you yet...'

'I have kindergarten burnout!'

'I don't care if the pot roast was a little dry, you had no business condemning poor Gloria to hell!'

'You look like a fun guy!'

"Dude has got his s**t together!"

"Things have gotten bad here. There's talk of a war with another gated community."

'Oh great. The neighbors are worming their way into another BBQ.'

Over 60's night - "You have beautiful teeth. What do you soak them in?"

'And this is Mario Batali. Of course, he's not the Mario Batali.'

'With Jesse Caldwell trasferring to another school, I've been promoted in the playground pecking order.'

Sermon Today: Include God In Your Next Selfie.

'I've got to go, Mom - my playgroup called an emergency meeting,'

'He follows your tweets. That's how God knows everything you do.'

"Look at those drunken losers, that'll be us in twenty years."

'Can Spot come out and play?'

How very Hampstead!

"What do you think our husbands talk about when they're down the pub?"

"This martini in canonical."

Senior Conversation Staters

'Are you sure this is the Class of 84 Havard Re-union?'

Golf club to putter: 'Leave the driving to us.'

"I took a viagra before going to the senior citizen's dance, last night, and I couldn't get anyone to come to my place. So there I stood, all dressed up and no place to go!"

'How very Fulham!'