Small-town Socialite Pillows

"I didn't even know Smallville had a set!"

Seniors Snooker Tournament.

LEMONADE, 'Actually, I hate places like this.'

'Everyone here likes a big band, right?'

"There's a notice from the co-op board. Would we be interested in playing softball on the Great Lawn?"

Health organizations doubt the benefits of skiing holidays.

Lobster a la Riseholme!

"I'm leaving Friday and we are all going to the club after work. Will you come?"

"My son took away my license." "Too many hit and runs." "Too many birthdays?"

'Actually, I hate places like this.'

'Hello! I don't believe I've bored you yet...'

'I have kindergarten burnout!'

'You look like a fun guy!'

'I don't care if the pot roast was a little dry, you had no business condemning poor Gloria to hell!'

"Dude has got his s**t together!"

'Oh great. The neighbors are worming their way into another BBQ.'

"Things have gotten bad here. There's talk of a war with another gated community."

Over 60's night - "You have beautiful teeth. What do you soak them in?"

'With Jesse Caldwell trasferring to another school, I've been promoted in the playground pecking order.'

'And this is Mario Batali. Of course, he's not the Mario Batali.'

Sermon Today: Include God In Your Next Selfie.

"What do you think our husbands talk about when they're down the pub?"

'Can Spot come out and play?'

'I've got to go, Mom - my playgroup called an emergency meeting,'

"Look at those drunken losers, that'll be us in twenty years."

How very Hampstead!

"This martini in canonical."

Senior Conversation Staters

"I took a viagra before going to the senior citizen's dance, last night, and I couldn't get anyone to come to my place. So there I stood, all dressed up and no place to go!"

"You're welcome to stay, but the household goes all nude after 9pm."

Golf club to putter: 'Leave the driving to us.'