Verdict Reviewer T-Shirts

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

"Not guilty but prepared to settle out of court, your honour."

'Your Honor, in order to avoid being sued, we find the defendant 'Not guilty.''

Learn to Be a Critic In The Privacy Of Your Own Home With The Apex Correspondence School Of Criticism!

No, no, Grok, we love your creative voice! Ort is just here to do a little punch-up.

'Your Honor, we've finally agreed on a verdict.'

'We the jury find the defendant very, very, very, guilty.'

The Music Critic.

Reviewing a Scientific Paper - Etiquette for References.

"Can you hear me now?"

Cop Shop/Fake evidence/Plant now for spring.

"Every good scene in that move was in the coming attractions...why did we even bother to come watch it?"

"What did I think about the play? About an hour too long!"

'It wasn't easy, but I got you a jury of your peers — six hairdressers, five interior decorators, and a professor of 18th Century poetry.'

The Critic...

"We find the defendant 'guilty', …. not that there's anything wrong with that."

"One soft drink and eleven stiff drinks."

"How was the play!"

'Is your verdict unanimous?'

"Failure is definitely the best teacher, but I'm thinking auditing a class with Success might not hurt."

"Writing that book was a real strain."

"You call that a suit?"

"They're going to print a retraction - your desserts are not inconsistent."

Supremacist Court

"I don't mind if something's Shakespearean, just as long as it it's not Shakespeare."

'It's had the best reviews I've ever written.'

'You didn't 'win' anything, just declared not guilty.'

David Cameron and Europe

'We find the defendant guilty. Do you have a problem with that?'

"Take away his brilliant prose, and he's just some depressed guy."

"take your best shot, counselor."