Veggie Protector Pillows

'It's only a slug Norman.'

'You are raising something in your garden, dear, and a fine rabbit it is, too.'

"The fence keeps the Locavores out."

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

The Endless Battle of the Organic Gardener

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

"I haven't started playing the violin. I hide my vegetables in here!"

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

"...and that growl has turned many a hunter into vegetarians!"

Get your no-turkey recipes here! Eco club. Go veggie for T-day! No thanks! I like turkey, sausage, stuffing, creamed onions with bacon and mincemeat pie. I figured as much. How can you tell? Gut check. That's my gut reaction, too.

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

'Broccoli is biodegradable, you know, in case you want to throw it out before I eat it.'

"You can't make me eat Brussel sprouts Mum: it's illegal to force-feed geese in this country!"

"I have an idea. How about I don't have to eat broccoli until I learn how to spell it."

'Meat cooked, but carrots still hard.' Hand in pot

'There are some good things about a vegetable garden. Dirt at your fingertips, for instance.'

"Sorry kids, wrong house. This one is made of vegetables."

"Relax. They're just crows."

So those are your 'weapons of mass destruction? - Slugs?

'That chap really knows his onions!'

"I modeled this one after me. He hates vegetables, too..."

"I got the kids to try more vegetables by putting sugar in the salt shaker."

"I discovered a way to get Steven to eat his vegetables. I put chocolate syrup on them."

Ways to Misuse Ventriloquism

“Children hate me.”

'My parents are giving up desserts for Lent, so I'm balancing the family diet by giving up vegetables.'

'You're right, Mom. Carrots did give me good eyesight. Now I can spot vegetables I don't like a mile away.'

Fruit and Vegetables - protestors signs read 'Stop this brutality' and 'Herbophiles protest mass killings of plants'.

The vegan hunter

'For heaven's sake Armitage - can't you just accept 2nd place in the best leek category?'

'The only thing I grow in my garden is tired!'

"Always eat your broccoli."

'I'm sorry but I can't bring out the dessert menu until both of you have eaten your veggies, company policy.'

'No Jennifer! I never head of mad broccoli disease.'

The day the salad got tossed