Veggie Protector T-Shirts

'It's only a slug Norman.'

'You are raising something in your garden, dear, and a fine rabbit it is, too.'

"The fence keeps the Locavores out."

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

The Endless Battle of the Organic Gardener

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

"I haven't started playing the violin. I hide my vegetables in here!"

"...and that growl has turned many a hunter into vegetarians!"

'May future generations forgive you for eating that sausage...'

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

'Broccoli is biodegradable, you know, in case you want to throw it out before I eat it.'

"You can't make me eat Brussel sprouts Mum: it's illegal to force-feed geese in this country!"

'Meat cooked, but carrots still hard.' Hand in pot

"Sorry kids, wrong house. This one is made of vegetables."

"I have an idea. How about I don't have to eat broccoli until I learn how to spell it."

"Relax. They're just crows."

'There are some good things about a vegetable garden. Dirt at your fingertips, for instance.'

So those are your 'weapons of mass destruction? - Slugs?

'That chap really knows his onions!'

“Children hate me.”

Ways to Misuse Ventriloquism

"I got the kids to try more vegetables by putting sugar in the salt shaker."

"I discovered a way to get Steven to eat his vegetables. I put chocolate syrup on them."

'My parents are giving up desserts for Lent, so I'm balancing the family diet by giving up vegetables.'

'You're right, Mom. Carrots did give me good eyesight. Now I can spot vegetables I don't like a mile away.'

The vegan hunter

"Always eat your broccoli."

'The only thing I grow in my garden is tired!'

Fruit and Vegetables - protestors signs read 'Stop this brutality' and 'Herbophiles protest mass killings of plants'.

'I'm sorry but I can't bring out the dessert menu until both of you have eaten your veggies, company policy.'

'For heaven's sake Armitage - can't you just accept 2nd place in the best leek category?'

'No Jennifer! I never head of mad broccoli disease.'

The day the salad got tossed

'For heaven's sake, Armitage... Can't you just accept 2nd place in the best leek category??'

No toxic waste in my backyard!