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The Endless Battle of the Organic Gardener

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

Planting seeds in garden - broad beans and jelly beans.

"I haven't started playing the violin. I hide my vegetables in here!"

"I'm rooting for the carrots."

'Meat cooked, but carrots still hard.' Hand in pot

"Relax. They're just crows."

'I never thought my dirt would turn on me like this.'

You will always find a spot to garden

"Potatoes...betroot...carrots...fracking..."

'You're right, Mom. Carrots did give me good eyesight. Now I can spot vegetables I don't like a mile away.'

'It's only a slug Norman.'

'I'm sorry but I can't bring out the dessert menu until both of you have eaten your veggies, company policy.'

The Confused Gardener

'I tried to tell him I didn't think it was a tomato.'

Grandchildren's Menu: Whatever's on your plate and no funny business

"If you don't have time to take care of everything, Sir, Mom's vegetable garden would be a good thing to let go."

'Are these carrots organically grown?'

"No, there's nothing wrong. I just took a shortcut through the onions."

Weod Monath (Weed Month) The Saxon word for the month of August.

'I'm afraid I'll have to close you down. Your kitchen is infested with greenfly.'

"The fence keeps the Locavores out."

'I was hoping it was going to be bigger, but I'm still new to gardening.'

"No, I'm not interested in your list of endangered vegetables. Just eat your dinner."

The cost of home grown vegetables

Vegetarian Nightmare

"Dad - there's some people at the door from 'The Sprout Defence League...?'"

'You're a real cabbage patch doll! Lettuce introduce ourselves!'

"I hate guarding potatoes with all those eyes staring at me!"

Organic Crime

"All you plant-loving sissies can leave the room while we show you some big, juicy hamburgers!"