Veggie Balancer Gifts

"This is going to ruin my ratio of protein to vegetables."

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

Life with a professional baseball catcher.

Yoga for Alcoholics

'Is this still America?'

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

"We would like to be genetically modified to taste like Brussels sprouts."

"Relax. They're just crows."

'Meat cooked, but carrots still hard.' Hand in pot

So those are your 'weapons of mass destruction? - Slugs?

'You're right, Mom. Carrots did give me good eyesight. Now I can spot vegetables I don't like a mile away.'

'It's only a slug Norman.'

'For heaven's sake Armitage - can't you just accept 2nd place in the best leek category?'

"I am listening to my body. My body says yuk!"

'The only thing I grow in my garden is tired!'

'I'm sorry but I can't bring out the dessert menu until both of you have eaten your veggies, company policy.'

'No Jennifer! I never head of mad broccoli disease.'

'They opened an ice cream shop by the gym.'

"Unexpected item in bagging area."

Fruits and vegetables

'You finish those veggies or you get no pud.'

"You know, if lima beans, cauliflower and broccoli tasted like candy and ice cream, we wouldn't have to go through this every night!"

"My parents have decided to homeschool me, but they haven't decided which home."

Grandchildren's Menu: Whatever's on your plate and no funny business

"All we are saying. . . is give peas a chance!"

Supermarket Aisles.

Vine-Gripened Tomatoes

'I'm afraid I'll have to close you down. Your kitchen is infested with greenfly.'

"The fence keeps the Locavores out."

"All these healthy eating edicts and chew twenty times...I'm fed up to where my back teeth used to be!"

'My mum's not very hygienic... She cooks carrots and peas in the same pot!'

Man balancing food.

"No, I'm not interested in your list of endangered vegetables. Just eat your dinner."

"If it's so good for you....couldn't it smell good too?"

Bath Juggler