Vegetable Wordsmith T-Shirts

Larry's Literary Market.

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"It's how he would have wanted to go."

Rejected Titles For The Canadian National Anthem.

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

Deep in the heart of the RAND think tank, the world's greatest scientists would gather to brainstorm Batman's fight sounds.

The Proust of Twitter

"Oh, sorry - Open Sesame, PLEASE."

"Just a couple of ninety cent seed packets, and you can have fresh garden vegetables for heaven knows how long."

Spiritualism: Meet the Authors.

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

"Right now, grandmom's bark is definitely worse than her bite!"

Best Seller

I don't want a story that helps kids make sense of the world – I want a world that lets kids just enjoy a nonsense story.

"What's orange and sounds like a parrot? A carrot!"

Mother Goose's Haiku

"Save yourself — it’s a casserole!"

"Remorse sits in my stomach like a piece of stale bread. How does that sound?"

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

Shakespeare Ave

A Poet

"I love you a bushel and a peck. How else?"

Shakespeare's Earliest Influences. To bean or not to bean ….. Ye Olde Limas. Jolly Goode Cukes. The Bees Peas.

Olden Day Battle of the Bands (Bard vs Sonnet).

"The vegetables have gone bad!"

Tom Stoppard

'I hear he's quite a recluse - doesn't even have a blog.'

'I heard it through the grapevine.'

"It's not a real company, it's a shell company."

"I think that I shall never see a lawsuit lovely as a tree." "Don't go soft on us, Lenny."

"I had no idea. You mean I'm a dog?"

"I just got a huge advance for my first novel. It's about a writer who gets a huge advance for his first novel."

"I'll have the 'All you can eat from the menu, the kitchen, and the dumpster' special."

"I'm the writer-in-residence."