Gourmet Wordsmith T-Shirts

"The menu simply says 'Fried Fish.' I'm waiting for you to provide the lyrical description."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

"Oh, sorry - Open Sesame, PLEASE."

"If x is the set of all men that love you, then I am a member of x."

I think you're ace

"Let's see. Seuss... Seuss... Here we go. That's a medium box of bagels and lox and a pop on the rocks by seven o' clock."

Spiritualism: Meet the Authors.

"Right now, grandmom's bark is definitely worse than her bite!"

Best Seller

Mother Goose's Haiku

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

"Remorse sits in my stomach like a piece of stale bread. How does that sound?"

Intellectual Foreplay...

Shakespeare Ave

'You use the former when wooing your beloved and the latter during negotiations with your divorce lawyers.'

Novelist, writing her own vows... runs into writer's block.

Writer and his Muse on a cookout.

Olden Day Battle of the Bands (Bard vs Sonnet).

A Poet

"I love you a bushel and a peck. How else?"

Tom Stoppard

"I just got a huge advance for my first novel. It's about a writer who gets a huge advance for his first novel."

'I hear he's quite a recluse - doesn't even have a blog.'

"Don't hold back on the toad legs now - I'm through with Nouvelle Cuisine!"

"I think that I shall never see a lawsuit lovely as a tree." "Don't go soft on us, Lenny."

'I heard it through the grapevine.'

"It's not a real company, it's a shell company."

"I had no idea. You mean I'm a dog?"

'Unlike Wall Street, with its strict rules regulating insider trading, 'Love Street' remains un-regulated, and I'm pleases to let you know now, before the official announcement, that the position of Rolf Fusco's girlfriend is open.'

"I'm the writer-in-residence."