Wordsmiths Of Cuisine T-Shirts

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

Campaign for Plain English

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

Rejected Titles For The Canadian National Anthem.

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

"That was totally....what's the word I'm looking for?"

'There it is, 'Twerk', right next to 'Twerp'.'

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

Ruddy bloggers!

'He was a great writer'

Best Seller

"O.K., she's sitting fown to write in three...two....one...."

Jorge Luis Borges

"I see you're an ex televangelist who would like to stay in sales."

"I lost some intellectual property here last night. Anybody remember what the hell I was talking about?"

THE REPORT: Some of this is brilliant, but that can be fixed.

'Not now, dear, I'm trying to listen to the Muse.'

'Ed is a man of few words. And few letters.'

"Remorse sits in my stomach like a piece of stale bread. How does that sound?"

"Caption contest"

Ye Editor. It’s a little downbeat, Will. How about making it a comedy and changing the name from "Othello" to "The Moor, The Marry-er"?

Never write a sonnet on an empty stomach

Bee to bee: 'We used buzzwords before they were trendy.'

"I know R&D feels that the product warrants at least two 'really'."

"But you didn't say they had to make sense - you just told us to write a thousand words a day."

Snail: 'Do you mean to tell me I'm not a credible author?!'

"I love you, I'll follow you to the ends of the earth, but I'm through getting slippers for someone who hasn't published anything since 1997."

"My creative writing professor suggested that I write about what I know...from my own experience!"

A Poet

Weapens of Mass Instruction

'This is all without rhyme or reason.'

Collected works

"Here's a draft of my speech, Accounts Receivable as Collateral When Obtaining Asset Based Lending. Make it pop."

'I want my ideas called 'concepts' not 'notions'.'