Wordsmiths Of Cuisine T-Shirts

'The Specials are the same as the Main Menu dishes, but with more florid descriptions.'

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

Campaign for Plain English

"You'll love this. It's swarthy yet munificent, didactic and gregarious with hints of dogma."

"‘Extra vile old ox’? No, sir – it stands for ‘extra virgin olive oil.’"

"That was totally....what's the word I'm looking for?"

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

Ruddy bloggers!

'He was a great writer'

Jorge Luis Borges

"O.K., she's sitting fown to write in three...two....one...."

"I see you're an ex televangelist who would like to stay in sales."

Best Seller

"I lost some intellectual property here last night. Anybody remember what the hell I was talking about?"

THE REPORT: Some of this is brilliant, but that can be fixed.

'Not now, dear, I'm trying to listen to the Muse.'

"Caption contest"

Bee to bee: 'We used buzzwords before they were trendy.'

Never write a sonnet on an empty stomach

"I know R&D feels that the product warrants at least two 'really'."

'Ed is a man of few words. And few letters.'

"Remorse sits in my stomach like a piece of stale bread. How does that sound?"

"But you didn't say they had to make sense - you just told us to write a thousand words a day."

Weapens of Mass Instruction

"I love you, I'll follow you to the ends of the earth, but I'm through getting slippers for someone who hasn't published anything since 1997."

'This is all without rhyme or reason.'

"My creative writing professor suggested that I write about what I know...from my own experience!"

Snail: 'Do you mean to tell me I'm not a credible author?!'

A Poet

"Here's a draft of my speech, Accounts Receivable as Collateral When Obtaining Asset Based Lending. Make it pop."

'I want my ideas called 'concepts' not 'notions'.'

'Oh-oh -- I think I've invented writer's block!'