Vegan Vampire Pillows

'Eddie's a ghoul and a vegan.'

"States of tofu"

Queen of Quinoa

Give quiche a chance!

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

'The vegetables sat in the crisper for hours...days...a whole week. Then suddenly, the drawer opened. A hand reached in, grabbed the kale, and all you could hear was the sound of...A Garbage disposal.'

Veggie Hall of Fame.

"Getting drunk grilling lettuce just isn't the same."

"I'm a strict vegan with dietary limitations due to specific food allergies. What should I get?" "A taxi."

"I just found a lacto-vegan restaurant and Janet from accounts says she's FRUITAIAN!"

"Race you to the corner! Last one there is an expired egg substitute!"

"No animals were harmed during this performance!"

'And since this product consists of 100% artificial ingredients, we can truthfully say it's vegan!'

"I told the cook I would prefer that she use some kind of artificial blackbird substitute."

'No - we really don't cater for vegans, even our salad dressing is made from sperm oil!'

"I'm getting subtle hints of chlorophyll."

Your life is in great danger...

"After going vegan, replacing all the animal heads just made sense.'

Dale regretted going to the Vegan restaurant.

Greta Thunberg wins German TV prize...

"It's a wonderful story - starts with the murder of a butcher."

"I am still vegan, I am just having a cheat day."

"I'm thinking of switching to an all vegan diet...based on carrots...mainly carrots..."

'The only vegan item on the menu is the menu itself.'

Finally - Prof. Brozinski found the vegetarian vampire! And he knew what to do...

"How almond milk is made"

"There are no animal products in our dishes, but since the meals are prepared by animals, you may find some stray hairs."

'That IS the chef's surprise, sir -- the pork chops are really tofu.'

"As a vegan vampire I suck but I don't swallow."

"Can we be seated under a vegan painting?"

"After going vegan, replacing all the animal heads just made sense."

"Were you genuinely interested in where I get my protein, or was it the introductory question to a long and pointless attack on my personal dietary choices?"

"Suddenly the idea of becoming a vegetarian sounds very romantic."

The Last Dinner