Vegan Jokester Gifts

'What do you mean you're going vegan?'

"If it's vegan, gluten-free and low-carb, then yes, Polly wants a cracker."

Veganuary

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

Herbophiles protest mass killings of plants.

"Two vegans, please."

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

'My brother's a proper cook - he's come as a witness'

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

"I don't care if it's plant-based, you're creeping everyone out."

"I eat a totally plant-based diet and I still can't lose weight."

Soup Company: Chicken Stock, Beef Stock and Laughing Stock,

Vegan Restaurant: ''amburgers! Sausages! RISSOLES!'

'I'm going to bake you a sponge cake...where do we keep the sponges?'

On Sale Today Free Range Chickens...Back In One Hour.

"Which one on table three has gone for the vegetarian option?"

'Well, you always said you wanted a water feature for the garden.'

Two vegetarians please.

"Hey, this is just a bun!" "Help yourself to the mustard."

A sheep ordering in a restaurant - the sole item on the menu is grass.

Hell's Kitchen specials: Lawyer thermador, barrister kabobs, litigator flambe, attorney tartare.

Free salad bar.

Phoning a Busy Sheep: 'Sorry I can't get to the phone right now, please make an animal noise after the bleat!'

Gardener digging and finding pipes.

'You can do whatever you want, Herb, but I sure wouldn't take advice from a bowl of alphabet soup!'

At home with the leeches: 'No, you can't have a Quorn tartlet - just drink your blood and be quiet!'

'I'm sorry, sir, but cheeseburgers are out of season.'

"Tell your date you're a vegetarian before he orders that expensive gourmet dinner."

Spinach Dating.

The vegan hunter

"The body is eighty-two-per-cent broth."

"And your tofu, would you like food with that?"

Rob and Maria dated for months, until the day he realized she was made entirely out of soy.