Vegan Jokester Gifts

'What do you mean you're going vegan?'

"If it's vegan, gluten-free and low-carb, then yes, Polly wants a cracker."

Veganuary

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

Herbophiles protest mass killings of plants.

MUSHROOM MASACRE.

"Two vegans, please."

"Grapes, Rye, Malt... I got into this through my vegetarianism."

'I told you it wouldn't work.'

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

'You've got restless wag syndrome.'

'My brother's a proper cook - he's come as a witness'

"I don't care if it's plant-based, you're creeping everyone out."

"I eat a totally plant-based diet and I still can't lose weight."

'I'm going to bake you a sponge cake...where do we keep the sponges?'

Vegan Restaurant: ''amburgers! Sausages! RISSOLES!'

Soup Company: Chicken Stock, Beef Stock and Laughing Stock,

On Sale Today Free Range Chickens...Back In One Hour.

"Which one on table three has gone for the vegetarian option?"

Free salad bar.

Two vegetarians please.

Phoning a Busy Sheep: 'Sorry I can't get to the phone right now, please make an animal noise after the bleat!'

'Well, you always said you wanted a water feature for the garden.'

Hell's Kitchen specials: Lawyer thermador, barrister kabobs, litigator flambe, attorney tartare.

"Hey, this is just a bun!" "Help yourself to the mustard."

A sheep ordering in a restaurant - the sole item on the menu is grass.

Gardener digging and finding pipes.

'You can do whatever you want, Herb, but I sure wouldn't take advice from a bowl of alphabet soup!'

At home with the leeches: 'No, you can't have a Quorn tartlet - just drink your blood and be quiet!'

Spinach Dating.

'I'm sorry, sir, but cheeseburgers are out of season.'

The vegan hunter

Yes, the salad was vegan. In fact, we even offered it first to all the bunnies in the area, each of whom insisted that, no, he was quite full, and he'd like you to have it.

"Tell your date you're a vegetarian before he orders that expensive gourmet dinner."

Tomato, zucchini or grapefruit? Balloons. Vegan Clowns.