Vegan Consciousness Gifts

'The Nihilist Deli'

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

"States of tofu"

What do you mean you prefer the sound of the sign of the right?! What part of 'either way we're dead' do you not understand?

"Wait—did you procure that worm humanely?"

You want me to be a what? A hipster. My research shows caf

"First Lady Lettuce goes missing, then Colonel Crouton followed by Reginald Radish... Great Caesar's Ghost! Someone is making a salad!"

'Congratulations on your 100% plant-based diet. I'm referring you to a botanist.'

"The most I'll splurge on my diet is on a boneless, skinless carrot."

"Mom, I'm at work – let me call you back after I finish stocking milk for wealthy vegans who like beet juice in their meat alternatives so they can still get that bloody effect when cooking without guilt."

Before/After

Queen of Quinoa

"Two vegans, please."

What's In Her Bag? Coachella Edition!

Who should be the next eco-club president? The most vegan? The most carbon neutral? The most into solar? Eco-club. But we need someone who will attract kids to the environmental cause. Then it's obvious. The most popular. Or most athletic!

"At first glance this diet might seem boring but then you realize there are actually seven varieties of kale!"

"Is the asparagus farm-raised or wild-caught?"

"I don't see a destination called 'Veganville' sir."

Give quiche a chance!

"Is there a vegan option?"

"What do you call a person who only eats corn?"

'Is this still America?'

"I'm afraid it's not cheese, it's 'cheese-like'."

'Say low-cholesterol dairy-free alternative to cheese!'

'Powdery stuff? Oh, that's egg substitute, from the Vegan lobby.'

"I can't go much longer without your asking why I'm vegan."

Like lambs to the slaughter, my ass.

'It's going to be a vegan.'

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

Veggie Hall of Fame.

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

"We would like to be genetically modified to taste like Brussels sprouts."

"I don't care if it's plant-based, you're creeping everyone out."