Vanity Challenger Pillows

Man at mirror.

"Could someone please explain to me why I'm celebrating the fact that I'm a year older?"

"I can never get my sunglasses on my head the way my hairdresser does"

"I just hope the world doesn't end before people can see our outfits."

'Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who is the fairest algologist of all?'

'Maybe a helium boob job wasn't such a good idea,babe!'

"Do you have any of that after shave that makes me look like Brad Pitt?"

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

'Don't all look at me like that! What did you expect the face pack to do for me?'

'I washed the gray right out of my hair, but now I can't get the gray out of my tub.'

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

"How are the new lips feeling babe?"

'You're on Deck! Wilson! Hurry up with that pedicure!'

"Harold, stop sucking in your stomach when the girls walk by. You're going to hurt yourself."

'I can't see anything through these ridiculous tiny slits, I'll take them.'

A bald eagle approaches middle age

"...And please let at least one person admire my new hat!"

'If you ain't broke, I'll fix it.'

'Get the 'extra hold' bear spray. I want to look good when we come out of hibernation.'

A man with a look alike lion's mane hair style.

'And, may I add, this hat does not scream, 'Bald Guy'.'

"There's something you should consider before you begin—my hair works hard and it plays hard."

"You're so vein."

'Ben believes looking suave is the most important part of fly fishing.'

'Having limited funds, Irwin goes with the less expensive chest hair transplant.'

'What would you say about me having my spots enlarged?'

"Girlfriend, you're not fat. You're just retaining a little water."

The Paper Silhouette Editor

Eventually, a point is reached where even the best cosmetic surgery begins to look more like taxidermy gone horribly wrong.

"What? It's been ten years. . . She's had six kids for goodness sake. She can't still be the fairest of them all!"

"Of course I love your long hair Rapunzel. But maybe you could shave your legs just once in a while?"

"Naturally curly hair."

"Supersize me."

"Aw, geeze. Forty nine years of bad luck."

Your Face In Stone