Valentine's Day Conspirator T-Shirts

"Tarnation, Sagebrush! Who keeps sending me these stupid, mushy Valentines, anyhow?"

Valentines Love Hearts - Covid 19 edition.

'If cupid shot me with his arrow this week, it would bounce right off!'

Valentine for Guru.

'I baked it especially for you.'

'Sometimes I feel like people send me Valentine's Day cards just to TICK ME OFF!!'

Billy strip: bed pan.

"They're free Valentine's Day gifts...chocolate flavored dental floss."

"Oh Johnny, I like you but not in that way. I'm a platonic solid."

"...but you uncovered this cafe's secret conspiracy to addict us to over-caffeinated drinks."

"If Santa knows when you're sleeping and knows when you're awake...is he with the CIA?"

'Admit it, Crawford, this fish was already dead when you caught it!'

'Legal say that 'Be my Valentine' opens us up to sexual harrassment claims, they suggest 'dear individual of indeterminate or any gender would you consider accepting the role of being my person of special interest'.'

'You have to admit it's kind of cute. They sent you a valentine subpoena.'

Man in crowd with heart shaped hat.

'Aaaah... poop on them!'

'Dad, cut out the middle man, Santa and get me the toys from behind the wardrobe.'

'I booked a table for one under the name of Narcissus.'

I see you've been assigned to the platonic love detail this year..

'Next year could I just have the chocolate?'

Blow up valentine.

"I'm from the president's office. We want you to develop a truth drug."

"Just a card and a box of chocolates would have been fine, dear!"

'.. and I would appreciate a MARZIPAN file in your next cake!'

"It came with some explanatory notes. . ."

Woman surrounded by couple sees fish on bike

'I'm not ready to love again. I'm afraid I'll get hurt!'

A special gift for Valentine...'A Canadian massage...wonder what that is...'

Evil Pusskins#4

'The party at school was awful! -- The teacher didn't like the Valentine underwear I got for her.'

"If this was his idea of a Valentine's day card, I'm not impressed."

'Colleen? It's Sam. '92? New Year's Eve party? I just found out I'm decaf. You might want to get checked.'

Valentine's Day.

'Americans have gotten so fat, I had to switch my bow and arrows for a harpoon.'

"There's a twenty in it for you if you just keep moving."