Christmas Conspirator T-Shirts

'Dad, cut out the middle man, Santa and get me the toys from behind the wardrobe.'

"But he had a mask and I thought he was a burglar."

'I hate all holidays!'

He Sees You When You're Sleeping

Big man on Krampus

'This next song is called Reindeer farts in my face all night.'

Ever vigilant, the restive Claus uses it to get an early start on the naughty and nice list.

"I'm sorry, Inspector Lestrade, but for reasons which I confess are sentimental, I feel I must, just this once, decline my services to Scotland Yard."

'I baked it especially for you.'

"I told the carol singers where to go in no uncertain terms, so that's saved us some money!"

Santa's elevator

"Hundreds of looted Christmas gifts. . . A missing reindeer. . . does that ring a bell, Mr. Rudolph?"

'Is it plugged in, or isn't it? There's only one way to find out!'

'I told mom and dad we should call a chimney sweep before Christmas!'

"I was good. Why is Santa punishing me?"

"If Santa knows when you're sleeping and knows when you're awake...is he with the CIA?"

'..And just how long have you two been secretly married?'

'Don't try to kid me - that whole Rudolph thing is just a publicity stunt, isn't it?'

'... But, if he knows when I'm sleeping and when I'm awake, isn't that an infringement of my right to privacy?'

'Frankly, I don't know what to believe. They say if it sounds too good to be true, it usually is.'

'Take your time Mr Jenkins and try and identify the individual who broke into your home.'

'We only asked you to dress-up as Santa...Nobody expected you to try and climb down the chimney!'

"There are more things I'm ungrateful than grateful for. Why can't we have a holiday for that?"

'I did some investigating. The guy is an actor.'

Chimney-Greasing Santa

"Yo, the getaway sleigh's here. – Let's dash!"

'But if you think about it, isn't being good truly it's own reward?...Hey, I', just messing with you, kid...Here you go, and Merry Christmas.'

"Tarnation, Sagebrush! Who keeps sending me these stupid, mushy Valentines, anyhow?"

'What choice do we have? She knows too much.'

Clearly, this pair were planning on getting up to something...

'Are you boys being naughty?'

Santa bending over under a Christmas tree with his bum showing as a little boy look on.

"Billy's been especially bad. Give him an extra dry one."

'I saw momma kissing Santa Claus and, what's more, it's recorded!'