Crime-solving Conspirator T-Shirts

"I brought you here to thwart the surveillance team's lip readers, Johnny, not to entertain us with your stupid act."

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

'Who was the murderer? Well Watson, that's the killer question.'

"Don't make me send in the bad cat."

"The DNA sample from the mink fibres found in the suspect's car matched the DNA sample from the mink coat found at the scene of the crime, so I'm thinking, maybe these minks were twins?"

'If you'll excuse me, my car is on fire.'

Cop Shop: Bulk, dried blood, shaved hair, ground teeth, assorted body parts and bone fragments.

'I have a bad feeling about this place, Watson... and I smell a rat!'

Phone Hacking Explained - 50 p.

Mystery Writing 101 - Mailbox: The butler did it, the gardener, the chauffeur.

"... and I would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for you meddling forensic pathologists."

"My client was across town at the time of the murder, as a quick sniff of Exhibit A will demonstrate."

"We understand you wish to report a crime Madam? I'm Inspector La Garde and this is my able assistant Defective Constable Wallis."

Dog detectives

'Apparently my DNA had guilt written all over it.'

'Where my balls go?'

Undercover Biophysicists

'Ragrding our cash-flow problewm, it's agreed then...Sims enters the bank at 10am, Riggs will follow, and Yates drives the getaway car...'

'We suspect death by Sunday supplement.'

STRIP Hambone: Computer an accessory to computer fraud

'We've got a new DNA database...'

'Looks like the latest crime figures have been stolen.'

Sistine murder

"Check this wall for fingerprints."

'Vice squad - you're busted.'

"Our forensic scientist quit, so our computer guy has stepped in for now."

"Well well, Mr. Chamberlain. It seems you've discovered my secret."

'This is a simple case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time.'

Locking Up Crime

'Now, Mrs Althorpe, if you think you see the man who assaulted you, we just want you to touch him on the shoulder.' (Mrs Althorpe beats a man up and then says she doesn't recognise any of them)

'In that case we will ALL wait for the results of the lab assistant's DNA test on the chalk.'

Fair and Balanced Reporting

'But Holmes, how did you know what the victim had for his last meal?'

'It seems to be pretty easy, chief. The victim was a fishmonger and we've got a motive, a culprit and a murder weapon.'