Crime-solving Sleuth T-Shirts

"I hear this place is a hotbed of international pancakes."

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

"Evidence suggests she was working on the puzzle, got up to make tea, husband enters and puts last piece in..."

$1: Family Secrets

"May I get an equation in edgewise."

'The police is looking for a teenager who reads books... I bet they'll never solve this case!'

Cop Shop: Bulk, dried blood, shaved hair, ground teeth, assorted body parts and bone fragments.

'Looks like the victim was trying to tell us something,'

"I'm a brilliant stalker and love photography, so I thought: why not?"

"... and I would have gotten away with it if it weren’t for you meddling forensic pathologists."

Undercover Biophysicists

'We've got a new DNA database...'

'We suspect death by Sunday supplement.'

"You want me to explain how there were two doughnuts in the larder and now there is only one? Easy, it was too dark in there to see the second one."

"Check this wall for fingerprints."

Optician and the PI.

Got suspicious after he asked to see a recent picture and she sent over an oil painting.

'I don't know what happened. One minute she's spooning me. The next minute I'm knifing her.'

"No, that looks nothing like him. Were you even listening to me? Young man, are you on drugs?"

'It seems to be pretty easy, chief. The victim was a fishmonger and we've got a motive, a culprit and a murder weapon.'

"Looks like some kind of laser beam. No sign of the murder weapon."

Good Cop, Bad Clown: 'Ok, ok I'll tell you what you want! Just make that creepy clown stop staring at me!'

"My goodness, Gurkenham! This is the worst case of identity theft I've ever seen!"

A detective and a dog are tracing footsteps and dog prints.

'And what if I did doctor the documents? I'm a doctor.'

'Nice try buddy, but we know the score. You were involved, but you only played a small part. What we want to know is who orchestrated this thing.'

Whistle blower...

Pipe dreams!

"I'm sorry, Inspector Lestrade, but for reasons which I confess are sentimental, I feel I must, just this once, decline my services to Scotland Yard."

Scene of Grime murder in greasy spoon cafe.

Murdered man spells out his murderer in alphabet soup.

"Number three, will you please step forward?"

Serious Crime Squad, Light-Hearted Crime Squad, Happy As Larry Crime Squad.

'Ugh. Every single day.'

'Well she came out of nowhere! It all happened in slow motion!'