Vainness Pillows

'Still workin' on the beard, Jerry?'

'I turn the other cheek more now that Botox has made it wrinkle-free.'

Surfer Blowing Back His Hair.

Scarpia from Tosca

"And now. . . which shoes?"

'Dang! I never now if the sommelier is messing with me.'

'If you're looking for compensatory materialism on wheels, look no further.'

'The mask?... Oh, I always try to obscure my face a little, at parties. Just to give the other guys a fighting chance.'

'I'm having a bad whisker day.'

Evil Henchman Gets a Promotion.

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

'You're on Deck! Wilson! Hurry up with that pedicure!'

More Pardons

Evil Villain.

'When did he start stroking a white Persian cat?'

'Mirror, mirror on the wall, who's is the fairest arse of all?'

'Oh, sure, the boss has a menacing evil laugh, but it's his evil sob that I find most arresting.'

TV-Mirror.

'Cosmetic surgery.'

'Your new teeth whitener is keeping me up.'

'Stocks soared on news a financial lobbyist wants 'greed' dropped as one of the cardinal sins.'

Special Place in Hell...

"Would you look at the carrot on that guy!"

"Maybe if I put these under my pillow I'll get a visit from the hair fairy."

'A crack team of scientists searches tirelessly for a cure for baldness.'

'I must admit, I do look good in stripes.'

'I know how you feel.'

"A minute on the lips"

'Now where did I lay my comb?'

Bill Jones - Bill Jones w/out makeup

Ever since I was a calf, I've always wanted my own henchman!

"I know I'm evil, but will I ever be diabolical?"