Vacuum Maestro Gifts

'Well, dear, I did tell you to stay out of my way when I'm vacuuming!'

"You've just got to have the biggest and the best, have'nt you?!"

"I guess someone got up on the wrong side of the podium today."

Cat plays an arcade game that involves shooting at gun into a mouse hole.

Computer Music

"Holy hell. I should not have based my whole personality around this..."

"... and come out fighting, boys."

"This is my man cave."

"We can't agree on a size."

The TROU of the Baroque

Lawrence of Suburbia

'Useful Drywall Screws' next to a huge box of 'Useless Drywall Screws.'

"Honest, Dad, somethin's wrong with the lawnmower." "You look fine to me. When you finish the lawn and pullin weeds feel free to wash the car and paint the house."

Arnold's clone refuses to workout: 'You're a huge disappointment, dude.'

When Cows Discovered Mowers

'Wow- you're one helluva great cook! Even the stuff you ordered from the delivery store is burned!'

'I will now play a selection of digital audio files I downloaded today.'

Book and magician

As space walking astronaut vacuums dust particles: 'Houston, we see to have the cosmic dust problem under control.'

'I think you're going to love it! Our award-winning chef microwaved them to perfection.'

"Compliments to the chef. It really is superbly cooked!"

Workers rest

Those four microwave dings you just heard indicate that dinner is ready, Lance. Hop to it! Unlike some individuals I know, I am not one of Pavlov's wolverines.

'What do you mean, you're not hungry? - Your mother spent two minutes cooking that in the microwave just for you!'

Teacher complaning he can't understand pupil in his course on 'Voice projection and pronunciation'

'Nothing to do? Why don't you read the refrigerator.'

"You're just pushing my buttons about all-microwave cooking ... aren't you?"

Dad's Diner - 'The best in frozen foods'.

A bulge of bodybuilders

"Ken Kesey left us the recipe in his will."

'I've tried everything. My skin is still as dry as an elephant's trunk.'

For a $50 payoff, Dwayne would agree not to follow a foursome around all 18 holes.

"I was going to make a seven course gourmet dinner, but the microwave is broken."

"My husband works from home."

"Do you think it's time to switch from the blower to the mower?"