Uv Ray Dodger Gifts

"I still think we should go higher than Factor 0.5."

'No, I'm not stranded. This is the only place I could find that has no distractions.'

"I think before we begin to address me, we need to talk about the clown in the room."

"Do you ever have days when you can't seem to rise above petty politics?"

Nun Binning the Devil

As a reformed gunfight, Big Jake vowed never again to use an iron

While you were out...

"For the last time - do not call me when I'm pretending to work."

'Maybe I haven't made myself clear enough. I really don't want to be disturbed today!'

'Refusing to fill in a psychometric test reveals a lot about you, Jones.'

'It's just a recliner with built-in heart rate monitor. But look at how many big inflatable balls are sold as exercise equipment.'

"Isn't this so much better without our devices?"

"I think I'll pass - I'm having a really bad-nose day."

"Son, I’d say the ACL tear is the least of your problems."

'Yes, I'm home early. We had a school fire drill, so naturally I sought the safety of our house.'

'Yeah, Kirby, it hurts like hell, but dang if I can't stop wigglin' it.'

'No slapping, Wilson! We don't start full-contact drills until tomorrow!'

The Demon's Disguise

"Sorry, I'm afraid he can't come to the phone right now."

"I don't get it. I hired him to workout for me every day, and I still haven't lost any weight."

"Are you listening to me?"

'We see a lot of carpal tunnel syndrome caused by repetitious pushing of the tv mute button during the political ad season.'

Pinocchio's autopsy - "Right about here he started cutting gym class."

"Get ready to duck...we're caught in a departmental crossfire."

'If you don't stop interrupting me with your phone calls, we're never going to finish our face to face meeting.'

"If it's the ice princess, I'm not here."

Lucky Break

How caffeine interacts with human brain cells.

"I'm binge ignoring everything you're binge watching."

"We also offer a plan where you just post pictures and skip the exercise."

'Do you mind? I'm trying to read.'

'The person you called may be toying with the olive in her cocktail, please try again later.'

'Is there any way I can keep on all this weight and still enter the Pro Football Hall of Fame?'

'Forget the test Mrs. Winslow. Let's send out for pizza!'