Usability Expert Gifts

'Adam was okay, but I'd like the next project to be more user-friendly.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

Squeezing the Free Press.

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

"There! Now we're getting somewhere."

"I'm bilingual. I can talk to parents and step parents."

"Remember, if you enjoy this intercourse, don't forget to 'like and subscribe'."

"Have you tried turning it off and back on?"

Hidden Facebook Features

"You question my methodology? Perhaps you should question your questionology."

Like.

"Our website design could be described as "organic"... in the sense that people often compare it to poop."

You are Here. We know where you've been.

'I wouldn't worry too much about his communication skills....grunting is perfectly normal at his age!'

"This is Jim's second speech on how not to make people mad by talking on your phone. I missed his first speech."

Runner's High, Runner's Low

'We now have the technology to record your dreams. From now on, your dreams are our intellectual property.'

"I want a refund on this computer. It's user hostile!"

"We've managed to eliminate every problem except the public perception that we're heading in the wrong direction."

CIA Recommended TVs

Investment Guru/Lifestyle Guru/Tech Guru/Fashion Guru

"And the tech guy said not to worry if I lost my phone. There's an app for that..."

Man at council planning offices can't get through door due to position of steps.

'Artificial intelligence is overrated. We find most people prefer the user-friendly advantage of artificial stupidity.'

Access Assessments

'Warspeak department' making up new military terminology.

"We can't even agree on how cold it is."

'Of course I'm listening Dear: In fact, 'I'm all ears'...'

"That last applicant showed real promise. Did you notice the way he mumbled all through the interview?"

'This network's news program has been unfairly charged with having a left leaning bias.'

Dogfights/Drone Fights