Usability Expert Pillows

'Adam was okay, but I'd like the next project to be more user-friendly.'

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

Squeezing the Free Press.

"What's going on Jen? Why didn't you respond to my kissing emoji?"

"We live in the golden age of fake news, alternative facts and spin control. Your resume is too truthful."

"I'm bilingual. I can talk to parents and step parents."

"We do have on item the internet hasn't already beaten into the ground, ad nauseam."

"There! Now we're getting somewhere."

Hidden Facebook Features

Like.

"Remember, if you enjoy this intercourse, don't forget to 'like and subscribe'."

'Have your people facebook my people.'

"You question my methodology? Perhaps you should question your questionology."

"Have you tried turning it off and back on?"

"Our website design could be described as "organic"... in the sense that people often compare it to poop."

You are Here. We know where you've been.

"I want a refund on this computer. It's user hostile!"

'I wouldn't worry too much about his communication skills....grunting is perfectly normal at his age!'

'We now have the technology to record your dreams. From now on, your dreams are our intellectual property.'

"This is Jim's second speech on how not to make people mad by talking on your phone. I missed his first speech."

Busy, Busy, Busy

CIA Recommended TVs

"We've managed to eliminate every problem except the public perception that we're heading in the wrong direction."

Runner's High, Runner's Low

Investment Guru/Lifestyle Guru/Tech Guru/Fashion Guru

"And the tech guy said not to worry if I lost my phone. There's an app for that..."

Man at council planning offices can't get through door due to position of steps.

Access Assessments

'Artificial intelligence is overrated. We find most people prefer the user-friendly advantage of artificial stupidity.'

"We can't even agree on how cold it is."

'Warspeak department' making up new military terminology.

Man considers blogging.

'Of course I'm listening Dear: In fact, 'I'm all ears'...'

Dogfights/Drone Fights

"That last applicant showed real promise. Did you notice the way he mumbled all through the interview?"