Utility Expert Pillows

I received an incorrect bill because the electric company didn't send a meter reader to my house. Unchecked power can cause problems.

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

The Solar System (after deregulation)

'Office' block tightening it's belt

'Everyone in the company wears one, Yomp! It's what keeps us focused!'

Maybe clean out your wallet

Motivation to work

"This works, so why do we need to spend all that energy building a nest?"

"And with the optional remote you make all these little lights go off and on really quickly." You can have an IT system with all the latest bells and whistles...or you could have one that WORKS

"The anger management consultant said he wasn't going to alter his **** dates at this t****stage which fits in with the 'managing change' consultant who said it was to late to change her plans..."

Desk Boxes: 'In', 'Out', 'Could Go Either Way'.

'The massive arrests have made the plans for downsizing much easier.'

"I'm so efficient I can screw up two assignments in the time it takes most people to screw up just one."

Cat shoes: For those who are too busy to do their own walking.

'We've cut and pasted your list into 84 arbitrary sub-lists. Well, our work here is done.'

...The computer says you can handle 20 more work

Never tell the boss "You can count on me" during inventory.

It come's to my attention that you have been doing the work of two men.

Your energy bill is enclosed. You might want to sit down.

"So, you want me to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get you a menu...? Couldn't I just give you a link to our, online menu?!"

"We only got up to three 'whys' and a 'what the hell'."

'Well I've finished the project on time and on budget!' 'Oh, that means I've given you too much time and too much money!'

'It says it works so fast, it's accumulated seven thousand years of vacation with pay.'

'Not only will it do the work of ten people, it will scare 40% more work out of the rest of the employees.'

"Hey, Dunleavy! I hear the boss is clearing out more dead wood today! Maybe you should've just stayed home and called in stick! Get it? Called in stick?"

Peacock of Productivity

I have plenty of work harder bees. Get me more work smarter bees.

'Working on my computer save me loads of spare time. To do more stuff on my computer.'

'Miss Pringle, I run a tight ship! What is this piece of paper doing on my desk?'

'I'm sorry you had to wait. My Time Management Workshop started late.'

"I'm Kurt... this brochure will explain the rest."

How Many It Takes

No employee is indispensable, but Doreen came pretty close.

"A laptop has been installed in each rest room stall."

'In a sentence or two, Gibbs.'