Urban Philosopher Gifts

"Welcome to New York."

Now accepting anonymous donations

"It's a new class of drugs to combat depression. They're called recreational."

Miracles on 34th Street.

'Well, sure! When you're sitting inside a dry and cozy cardboard box, it's EASY to be optimistic about the economy!'

Stop! Smell the flowers. Resume tearing through your life like a maniac.

Your logic is flaccid and your data suppositional, dawg!

Desert Isle CCTV

'All the porn on the internet, and we can't access it.'

Bitter Bob felt completely ignored by the system. And yet there he was on the surveillance tape, plain as day.

Wellbeing Score

Graffiti youth sees his friend spraying name and address, says: 'It's sort of traditional for tags to be anonymous.'

'Forget about smoking! Breathing is a health hazard!'

'Can you come back later? I'm on break.'

"Reject the modern world."

E=mc2 - Einstein's graffiti.

'No thank you, sir, you look like you need it more than I do.'

Deemed offensive. Please help.

"We're a lot smarter than chickens, which is why free range pig farming isn't too popular."

"Lovely to see you - you must cross the road more often..."

Takeaway options.

Don't care bear.

"Hmm...any dietary restrictions?"

Well-balanced, cleanly flavored Chardonnay. Perfect with silverfish.

"Should I just give him the ?1.50 or does that look tight? Would he say anything if I just walked past?"

'Don't you think you should get involved in some volunteer work, Bernie?'

Amongst the rush.

Broke.com

Homeless drifter wants his identity stolen.

'I'm afraid I'll have to charge you an extra ?2.00 for not donating by direct debit.'

Bland. Please Help.

"Time like these make me wish we had sprung for that apartment with a park view."

Populating URBAN DICTIONARY.

"Those aren't buzzards, are they?"

'A Major Doomsday Event Is Nigh'