Upscale Experiences T-Shirts

'Looks a little pricey.'

"I'm new here. How much do we leave for a tip?"

"Didn't read the book, missed the movie, but I've been to the theme park."

Storage Unit of Love

"He knows 'sit, stay, paw' and 'upstate.'"

Turtle Home

"We'd like a quiet table for two where my wife can justify spending three grand on a handbag."

'I need to get a bigger place.'

"When you get to Uni be sure to let that hair down responsibly."

'Maybe we should have ordered bottled water.'

"Uh uh uh...that's not a touchscreen."

'Sir, one waiter is enough to bring the meals, but it takes two to carry the bill.'

'Could you show us something a little more upstream?'

Fish pedicures - a woman with her feet in goldfish bowls, with the fish complaining about what they have to eat since the beauty craze took off.

'If you would like to check out the electricity meter it's in that cupboard over there with the mops and hoover.'

"I didn't realise that your idea of glamping was to have the tent right next to the shower block."

'You call that restaurant upscale? I couldn't even get a pitcher of Champagne.'

"I told the dating service I hated the bar scene. I suppose you did, too."

"What would you say to doing our divorce at the St. Regis?"

Canadian Standoff

'Do you cater for wedding anniversaries?'

Man struggling to read a large edition of a book

"You don't look like your picture."

"We invest in the market, winter in the Alps, summer in the Hamptons, and vote for the Donald. That's it in the nutshell."

'Not again!...'

"Think of a number, any number."

"The house of Chardonnay, sir - it's a young wine and a bit fruit forward."

"And you thought it was so easy just to ignore me on the subway."