Upscale Eater T-Shirts

'Maybe we should have ordered bottled water.'

"Even the waiters here are organic."

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

"Everything taste so divinely artisanal."

"Ten Dollars?! I can't eat that." Bob was on a strict low-cost diet.

"The salad should be delicious. We ordered it with lots of extra bacon bits."

"Give my compliments to the Biotech industry"

'I wish I hadn't coloured in all that bread, now.'

Children's Dream Dinners: Superhero Special

"Young man, the world is your oyster, but for God�s sake avoid peanuts, soy, milk, eggs, wheat, fish, tree nuts, and chocolate."

Alphabet soup

Turtle Home

Dinner Cereal, Corn Flakes with Spaghetti Sauce.

"We'd like a quiet table for two where my wife can justify spending three grand on a handbag."

Spaghetto

"The crab Florentine is excellent, but the rack of lamb has limited downside risk.''

We'll pass on the entrees...

Menu From The Luxury Home of Pancakes

'Frankly, the diet I'm putting you on will include things that you probably wouldn't consider 'food' as such.'

'Sir, one waiter is enough to bring the meals, but it takes two to carry the bill.'

How to sell healthy food...

Hot Lasagna Transport

'Could you show us something a little more upstream?'

'Looks a little pricey.'

"What would you say to doing our divorce at the St. Regis?"

"I didn't realise that your idea of glamping was to have the tent right next to the shower block."

'You call that restaurant upscale? I couldn't even get a pitcher of Champagne.'

"I'd like the spaghetti surprise."

Jim checks his breadbox inbox.

'Do you cater for wedding anniversaries?'

"We invest in the market, winter in the Alps, summer in the Hamptons, and vote for the Donald. That's it in the nutshell."

"It's my new idea! A veggie burger stuffed with tasty meat."

"I'm looking over you chart and I see you've gained 30 pounds. I thought you went on a diet!"

"The best hot dogs in the city should be hard to get."

You must be this wide to enter the restaurant.